Memories
by Edward Cullen Luver
Summary: Within Temptation's song Memories. ONE SHOT SONG FIC. Edward leaves Bella, and she, unable to deal with her pain, attempts suicide. She goes to a mental rehabilitation center. Far away Edward too suffers. They both use memories to live. Is it enough?


**A/N: Okay. For those of you who have read my other works, you know this is not my style. I have never written a piece quite like this, but an English teach, who is helping me develop myself as a writer, told me to write a piece out stretching my boundaries. This was one idea he had. I know it isn't very good, but blah! I thought I would share it anyway. **

**---A BIG problem is a change POV often, without a warning. I tried to make it crystal clear, but he had trouble with it. Maybe because he never read Twilight or Stephenie Meyer.---**

Bella's sleeping form lay on her bed. Her hair fanned out over her pillow, and her comforter wrapped around her like a constrictor. She looked peaceful, no pain, no worries, but looks can be deceiving. Oh so deceiving…

Her chocolate orbs move under the closed lids of her eyes. Fast, panicked, and searching for something in the depths of her REM. Her arms, cold with goose bumps, reach out in the night. There is nothing there. Slowly they fall onto her bed, her body again relaxes.

"Edward…. Wait, please." Her lush, full lips almost not moving, a prime talent in the act of ventriloquism, only this isn't an act. She calls him name, countless times, knowing that it will do no good, he left her. He doesn't love her.

Suddenly her fingers firmly grip the unyielding white sheets of her bed spread. Knuckles going white, body rigid, breathing sped, heart rate accelerated.

She snaps up, her limps gripping her own body, holding it together, as if it will tear apart from the deep pain that rears it's ugly head in the gaping hold of her chest. A hole that was once filled with him. It's empty, because he's gone.

You may think she is being a drama queen. An eighteen year old girl can not love so greatly, feel so much pain. They had "puppy love", so would say. Not true. They had true love. Now he is gone, leavening only memories. Happy, sad, and horrifying, but him leaving wasn't the only bad thing about it. With his departure he took her life. Her second family, that she needed greatly, and deepened on. The lifestyle of love, and eternity.

Far away he suffers too…

Edward sat. Still. Silent. A stature, of human nature. His pain far greater. He left, and she let him go so easily. His body, never letting him sleep to ease the pain, mocked him. Telling him she is living a happy, normal life somewhere far away from him. Experiencing the life she deserved.

He is a selfish creature, who doesn't want this. Desperately he fights an inward battle of running to her, and begging, on hand and knee to take him back. Little does he know she wants that so badly.

She wants to be in his arms. He wants her to be in his arms.

Together they suffer…

Looking up at the moon. They both remember a night spent under it's ghostly shadows. Him holding her frail form in his arms, and her desperately trying to reserve this memory in that hidden file in her brain. The file that she can pull out when this all comes to the hard hit reality of… This isn't real.

Together they look at the moon. In this memory.. Her face, pale in the light, holds a glow of love, and happiness as she tells him that if ever they are separated, look at the moon. Be comforted by the fact that they both will be looking at the same moon, no matter the distance this cruel Earth keeps them separated. He, savoring her feel, and love, whole heartedly agrees. Never thinking to the future where her idea would become useful.

Both, separated by a sea of not only water, but pain as well, sink onto their backs. Holding their bodies in remembrance. Without a memory it wouldn't seem real. It would be fake, and if it was fake, what do they have to live for?

**In this world you tried  
Not leaving me alone behind  
There's no other way  
I'll pray to the gods let him stay  
The memories ease the pain inside,  
Now I know why**

**  
**She awakens, eyes red from a sleepless night, to the sound of her alarm clock. Slowly she reaches out and stops the buzzing. All of her movements are painful, not literally, but mentally, because she remembers that she has no reason to go to school today. There is no future without him.

Two names, paired with faces, appear in her mind. Charlie, and Renee. Father, and mother. The two figures who loved her no matter what. She wouldn't take her life, because it would kill them, and they last thing she would ever want to do is cause anyone else the pain equivalent, or even half to what she feels.

Pushing her depressing, life ending, thought from her mind she moves into the routine that will not fail her. Grab clothes, walk to the bathroom, and shower. Wash away the pain of the night before, and lather on a new day. Dress, a new skin to face a new day in. Maybe this time it will be different, maybe she can move one. Retrieve her book bag, heavily filled with all homework, and extra credit, stuff to keep her busy in the desolate hours of alone time. Walk down the stairs, hopefully without tripping. Today she is successful. She makes it past the hardest part. The getting up.

Charlie, gone for work, leaves a note. He loves her, she knows it. He says they he will be home late. Not surprising, she wouldn't want to rush home if she was who waited her. For a second her mind falters. He will not be home till late, maybe she can end this.

She loves her family, and that thought has kept her alive, but what if they were miserable because she was. If he didn't love her, then no one will. She can end this. End her pain, and Charlie's. He will not need to deal with her pain she will be gone.

She feels like it will work. So she lays the heavy bag down on the table, and walks slowly to the drawer that holds the cutlery. Reaching in she retrieves a small serrated edge. Nothing fancy, yet not sloppy. She lays it's tip to her pale, semi translucent skin, and pushes it in.

Deep crimson begins to flow from her skin, yet she doesn't stop. She pulls it, harder and faster, against her skin. A tear, not of relief but of grief flows from her eyes. She knows this will not work. She isn't lucky enough.

His angry voice, only a whisper in her mind, orders her to stop. To quit trying to end her pain this way. It will never work, she will only cause more pain to others. Then, as suddenly as he was there, he was gone. Another memory.

Collapsing onto the floor, she holds her wrist tightly. The blood continues to flow. Her eyes, damp with despair, tell her that she isn't well. She tried to cope alone, she tried to move on, and it didn't work. They tell her she is alone in this world, and he will never save her.

Why save what you do not care for?

Heavy now, her eye lids close. Her body going limp. She pushes herself to stay awake, and tries to put pressure on her deep wound. She pulls her body, slowly and painfully, to a woozy standing position. Her legs shaky, and her mind swimming, with the sickening smell of her coppery crimson, making it hard, and damn near impossible to make it to the phone that sat only ten feet away. Yet it looked ten miles.

Her fingers pull on the cord, and along with her body it crashes to the floor. She dials the number for emergencies. They ask what's wrong, and she tells them she's hurt. She's hurt badly, and no one can save her. The woman, begs, and pleads with her to hold on. Telling her the end isn't coming yet.

Bella's head, resting on the phone, nods weakly. All she say is please. Please save me from this pain.

**All of my memories keep you near  
In silent moments  
Imagine you be'd here.  
All of my memories keep you near,  
Your silent whispers, silent tears**

They told her she wasn't crazy. They said that she was sick. Sick…the word left her confused, and bitter. There was a plus to being here, with all of the "sick" people, she had infinite time. She looked up to word sick in the dictionary, that she found stashed in the library.

"Sick: **Offensive term** for somebody thought to have a psychiatric disorder that makes him or her dangerous to others."

Was she sick? Was she a danger to herself, well she proved that theory right, but to others? She was. She made Charlie feel pain, and Renee. She hurt people, so maybe she was sick. Maybe she needed to be here forever. Locked away so she wouldn't hurt anyone else.

She didn't care that they watched her shower, shave her legs, and eat. She knew it was to help her. She didn't care that they all talked kindly to her, guarded to her, so they wouldn't make her upset. She was too numb. Almost too far gone.

Bella would do as they say. They were helping her find her way back to the life she knew before him, a life she clearly could not find on her own, but despite what they did they did they could never cure her, because they asked her to give up the one thing she still had, and would never release to them. The one thing to ease some of the pain.

The man in the long white coat told her to forget him. That meant forget everything. Her memories. She refused to do that, and openly told him. The man, with a creased brow, questioned if was truly wanting to get better. She was stung by it. Of course she wanted to. To an extent…

She wanted to learn to live with the pain, not erase it. All she had to do was remember a time when she was happy with him, and it would seem worth while. She needed to live with this. Bella needed this. She wanted to live with the memories so that she could go back to her life. Go home.

**Made me promise I'd try  
To find my way back in this life  
I hope there is a way  
To give me a sign you're okay  
Reminds me again it's worth it all  
So I can go home**

Of course they wouldn't let her go. They said she needed a little more care, a little more attention than she herself, or Charlie could give her. She promised that she wouldn't do it again. She told them that she was okay, and able to live with the painful memories, but they wouldn't listen. They still wanted her to forget.

Bella, a normally happy and carefree person wasn't accustomed to hiding in her room and doing things in secret, but she did. She needed to feel relief. .

She curled up in her bed. Her white pajama's, baggy on her new and slightly smaller frame, folded around her. She gripped her knees to her chest tightly, and laid her head on top of them. Closing her eyes she would recall anything she could. His name, his sent, his face, his voice…

Tears brim, in all their salty glory, as she remembers him telling her to not slay herself.

It was so soft, yet so angry. He hated her, why does he still care?

Then window blows open, an urgent wind is it's catalyst, with it a voice swirls around her head. His voice.

"Because I will never stop loving you."

Her body racks with tear filled sobs. She knows it isn't true. He doesn't love her, he told her so. She hates herself for causing this fake memory to float around, and hurt her so dreadfully. Despite what she knows to be true, that he will never love her, she will always love him.

Maybe that is why it hurts so badly. Maybe it hurts because she loves something she can never have. So for now she stays still, and keeps her memories close as she tries to make herself believe he is there with her. It eases the pain.

**All of my memories keep you near  
In silent moments  
Imagine you be'd here  
All of my memories keep you near  
Your silent whispers, silent tears  
**  
He still suffers. His body racks with agonized, dry sobs.

The one person to ever love him, he left, and she let him. She was a human, and her memories would fade, but his would never fade. They would stay just as raw, just as crisp until the end of time, and he loved it.

He knew that they caused him pain, yet he was a selfish man that wanted them for his benefit. He cherished them, and held them close.

Recalling all the times they spent together. The night by the moon, the day in the sun in their perfect meadow, the day he realized that he was irrevocably in love with her, as was she.

The most dazzling for him…

She comes to school. Her truck, loud and large, alerting everyone to her presence making her blush. That sweet flow of her sickly tender blood filling her cheek flesh. The smile that she flashes to ease her monetary discomfort.

Her smile.

He hates himself for being a good liar. He hates that he told her he was never in love with her, and he hates that she was so easily fooled. He wanted her to know, more than anything, that he loved her. He would love her until the end of time.

He begs the shadows, of this God forsaken attic, to tell her. To alert her, that his non-beating heart will forever love only one person. Bella.

**Together in all these memories  
I see your smile  
All the memories I hold dear  
Darling, you know I'll love you  
till the end of time  
**

The pain grows in intensity for both parties. Each crumpling in on themselves in the memories.

Him fighting a battle that is slowing over taking him. The battle of returning to her. Her fighting the battle to live. To continue living.

Each night they look at the same moon, and cry. One has tears the other does not.

Each night they reach out for the other. One knows it isn't real, the other does not.

Each night they beg, and plead for the other. One is living in a nightmare, the other is dreaming.

Each day getting almost impossible to bear. One battling inwardly, the other slowly killing themselves.

Pain. Tears. Pain.

He loses his battle. He can't continue. The pain finally proving to be far to great. The memories no longer enough. Standing, proving a challenge, leaves him weak. He fights it. He will come for her. Beg her to love, and forgive him.

Hoping it isn't too late.

She is almost gone. Her body not able to take it. Her mind to weak. The memories no longer sufficed, when she took the pills. So many.

Slowly her breathing begins to fade. Her eyes close.

Her lips whisper one thing.

"Forever I will love him."

One last memory she recalls…

He is cradling her warm body to his frosted one. He is holding her close to his chest, hearing her fading heart beat. Only this isn't a memory. He's come back for her. Promising he will never leave.

Sometimes memories are not enough. He knows that now, and so does she.

Both now immortal. Both in love. Both living a life they dreamed of for so long.

Both still holding onto their memories.

**  
All of my memories keep you near  
In silent moments,  
Imagine you be'd here  
All of my memories keep you near,  
Your silent whispers, silent tears**

**All of my memories...**

**A/N: Okay. You may be confused, so I will explain. He came back for her. She was dieing when he arrived from a drug over dose. He bit her, and now they are living together forever, They are bother vampires, and together. Make sense? I was going to have Bella die, but I couldn't do it to Edward. Review. **


End file.
